Feminist Founders Subscriber-Only Podcast

Welcome to the Feminist Founders audio series event. This is a bonus for paid subscribers of the Feminist Founders newsletter. If you're here, thank you so much for your support. I'm excited to bring you this series, featuring incredible thought leaders who will share insights about doing business differently in a way that honors equity and social justice. I hope you learn a lot from this. Let's dig in.
Becky Mollenkamp: Hey there! I'm super excited to introduce you to Erica Vogel, someone I met through Threads. I love meeting new people through social media—it's what social media was supposed to be about. So often, though, it becomes just promotional and judgy and icky. But Threads has been fun for me lately; it feels like old Twitter, where I met some of my still-to-this-day very best friends. I’ve been meeting some amazing people just by reaching out and saying, “Hey, you seem cool, can we hop on Zoom?” And Erica was one of those people. She wrote an excellent piece for Feminist Founders about AI, which is one of her areas of expertise. I’ll link to it in the show notes if you’re interested in reading it—it was great.
She’s also got a new book coming out, so I asked her if she’d be willing to join us for this series, and she said yes. I thought maybe we would talk about AI, but instead, we decided to discuss the process of writing a book as a first-time author. I think this is so valuable because if you haven't already written a book, you probably have one in mind. Every business owner I've met seems to have a book idea. So, if that's you, this interview will be really interesting. Erica is just finishing her book—it’s coming out this fall—so she’s very much in the trenches of writing, publishing, and getting ready for promotion. I think it's fascinating to hear about that whole process, and I hope you learn something if you’re also considering writing a book. Enjoy!
Becky Mollenkamp: Erica, thank you for being a part of this. I’m excited to chat with you about your process of writing your first book. You have a background that isn't specifically in writing, although I know you’ve done a lot of writing in different ways. But now, you have your first book coming out soon—you just submitted the manuscript for a book called Advice from Your Trans Auntie, and I’m super excited about that. I want to hear about the whole process for you. I think the best place to start is: Where did the idea for this book come from? Why this book?
Erica Vogel: To answer the question about where the idea for the book came from, what the writing process was like, and what publishing was like, we have to go a little bit backward to talk about some of my life experiences so we can get into where the idea of the book came from, right?
I'm the child of a gay father whose parents divorced when I was three. My mother disappeared for six years—I would just see her for a week in the summer. When she did come back into my life and I moved in with her, she had remarried for, I think, the third time, to my stepfather. Both my mother and stepfather were alcoholics, and my stepfather was an addict. So, I grew up in a household where that was going on. I had no financial training in my life and struggled in school. It took me multiple attempts to finally earn my bachelor’s degree, with a 20-year gap between my first attempt and my final attempt, and then I went on to earn my master’s degree.
I’ve had children with medical difficulties, been through medical difficulties myself, declared bankruptcy, and spent more than a decade barely managing to put food on the table and pay bills while raising kids. I've seen a lot in this life, and as a person now in their early 50s, I regularly have people come up to tell me their stories, to talk about themselves—I guess because they see me as a safe person to talk to, right? I have a history of mentoring people throughout my career, based on my own mistakes and what I've learned. I'm a resilient person who, when I make a mistake, I assess what went wrong, what I could have done better, make my peace with it, and move forward without making that mistake again.
I've been a senior person in my field, which is technology, for a while, so I’m often around younger people. They see me as a safe person to talk to because I have a point of view that might make their lives easier, based on the questions they ask me. I came out at work as trans, went through the whole transition process, and was already a member of the queer networks at the company—a very large company with 50,000 employees. I was fortunate to have many opportunities for speaking engagements, both inside the company and at several conferences. Throughout my career in technology, I've often had to get up in front of crowds to speak about my product.
As this evolved, I found myself answering a lot of questions from people who are trans, about what life is like in the process, what their next step should be, and how to accomplish certain things. I’ve always found myself answering questions and giving a point of view—not so much to tell people what to do, but to help them think about what they should consider so they can make their own decisions.
My point of view has always been to help people claim their own agency, and that is particularly focused on people’s trans and non-binary status at this point. As part of this queer group at the company, I met someone named Chia Shia, and we became good friends. She wound up leaving the company to spend some time traveling, primarily to spend time with family in India and to travel around Asia.
Before she left, we had lunch, as she was going to be gone for six months to a year. We were catching up, and I mentioned that I had been writing recently—articles for my blog or on social media—and felt this desire to write, but I wasn’t sure what to do. I expressed that writing a trans memoir wasn’t something I wanted to do because there are quite a few out there already, and I wasn’t sure that my memoir would resonate with many people. But I really wanted to write something.
Chia said to me, “Erica, having watched you over the last several years, you’re really good at fielding questions that people ask you on all kinds of things, from being queer to trans to just living life. You should write about that—answer people’s questions.” That really took me aback. I hadn’t thought about writing a book like that, but ultimately, that’s where the idea for the book came from. I think we even hit on something close to the title because she had already taken to calling me the “Trans Auntie.” So, Advice from Your Trans Auntie became the title, and I sat down to start writing the next day after our lunch.
Becky Mollenkamp: That’s really interesting. I love hearing how people decide what to write about when they could write about anything. I’m sure you have lots of things you could write about, so it’s fascinating to hear how you landed on this topic. Isn’t it fun how someone else can play such a great role in making us go home one day and say, “This is the day I’m going to start writing”? So, once you started writing, how did you go about the process as a first-time book author? What was that like for you?
Erica Vogel: When I picked up the writing process for this book, I had something that really helped me orient myself: I do have a good amount of writing in my background. My grandfather was a professor of literature and head of the department at Texas A&M, my uncle was the head of the classics department at Dartmouth and Princeton, and though my mother wasn’t a professor, she was raised on writing. She was in high school grading her dad’s college essays, helping him out. Throughout my childhood, I grew up with spelling tests, grammar tests, book reports, all kinds of things to do in the summers when there was no school, all thanks to my mom. She really wanted to pass on that education, that love of writing, from her dad to me and my brother.
So, I grew up writing a lot. I didn’t really love it; I loved telling stories more. I loved the oral aspect of storytelling rather than writing it down. Even in my job today as a product manager in technology, I have to write user stories, which are not exciting. But at the end of the day, I have to think about the user’s perspective and write a story so I can tell our engineers what to consider while they’re writing their code. It’s more involved than that, but you get the idea.
By the time I was in high school, I was also helping to grade some papers for my English teachers. I was the person the teacher would send struggling students to if they needed help with grammar, which is not a role I ever thought I would find myself in. Still, while dealing with my own struggles in learning—I’m an experiential learner, so English worked well for me, but some other subjects were harder—I did a lot of writing.
Throughout my career, I’ve had to write a ton—emails, chat messages, user stories, presentations. I’ve done quite a few panels at conferences and workshops where I’ve had to write scripts. So, I’m used to writing for business. When it came time to write the book, I had to relearn how to write from a creative perspective instead of a business one. It was a journey—remembering grammar, getting the business voice out, and focusing on storytelling while conveying information in a way that wasn’t businessy.
I crafted the book from the perspective of advice—it’s really an advice column in book format. This approach allowed me to write about a single question and then take a break. Sitting still for an hour is not easy for me, especially after a long day of tech work. Writing in the evening has been quite a challenge, but breaking things into small bites made it approachable. In six months, I was able to write answers to about 40 to 50 questions that I regularly get from the trans and non-binary community.
Breaking it into small chunks was crucial for me. I need to write something, walk away from it for 24 hours, then come back with a critical lens to edit and reorganize if necessary. It took me a while to find my voice. I had gotten close in some articles and social media posts, but this book allowed me to refine my voice—how I write. While I didn’t want to write a memoir, I do include personal anecdotes in response to questions, so you do get a very high-level memoir while also receiving real-world advice.
Becky Mollenkamp: I think for a lot of people, the idea of publishing is overwhelming. First, the writing part is overwhelming, and the idea can be overwhelming. You've tackled the idea and the writing. How did you then go about figuring out the publishing process? That feels like a big beast for many people. What was that like for you?
Erica Vogel: When it comes to publishing the book, I remember that I finished the first three of the six chapters, and my wife—my partner, who has two books published under her name as an anthropologist and I think 18 scientific articles—said to me, “Erica, you really need to go find a publisher now because working with them might mean fewer rewrites in the future.”
I was unsure about this because I didn’t want someone telling me what to write, but I thought it might be a good idea because who knows how long it will take to find a publisher. So, I set off to do some research. There are really three types of publishers you can work with, or rather three paths you can take: self-publishing, where you do all the work and put out all the funds; hybrid publishing, where you do some of the work outside of writing the manuscript, and they do some of the work; and traditional publishing, where you write your manuscript, hand it over, and they do everything from there on out.
I chose hybrid publishing. I had the financial means to bring that about, and I have some expertise beyond writing the book—I can design the cover if I want to, and I’ve designed quite a few books in my design career. So, hybrid was the best way for me to work. I set off to talk to a hybrid publisher, a traditional publisher, and to investigate the self-publishing process. I wound up talking to people in each realm. Eventually, I chose hybrid publishing because I had a great interaction with Jen Grace, who owns Publish Your Purpose. She was recommended to me by several people I trust who have written books that I enjoyed and thought were good. Some mutual friends connected us.
What I loved about Jen is she really fit the bill in terms of some advice I received, which is that your publisher should be a partner in this endeavor, not just someone who takes your manuscript and slaps their vision on it. I went into this process looking for someone who understood what I was after, was excited about my vision, and wanted to help me bring it to life. Jen fit the bill. We had a couple of conversations and clicked really well, so I signed the contract with her.
Now, we’re in the middle of the process. I just submitted my completed manuscript a few days ago. We’re working on cover designs and starting the editing process. The rest of the process will take another four to five months to complete—copy editing, layout, cover design, marketing plans, printing. It’s going to take time, but I’m really happy to work with someone excited about my vision and who knows the process well, especially since I don’t have much knowledge in that area. And as someone who still has a day job, it’s nice to be able to turn that part over to someone else.
So, that’s the process—that’s how we got to where we are today, the history of this book.
Becky Mollenkamp: Now that I’ve heard about the book process and where you are now, the question that really comes up for me is: Why write a book? You shared the “why” of this topic and how you went about forming what the book would be. A lot of what I’ve heard is how it helps others, which is beautiful. I love that giving heart. But I’m wondering, what’s the “why” in it for you? What is it that makes you want to do all the work involved in writing a book? How will it benefit you, or what is it giving to you?
Erica Vogel: How it benefits me, what it gives to me—it allows me to talk to more people. It allows me to do what I think I love the most, which is to see people for who they are, to tell them that who they are is valid and vital as part of the community. It gives me the opportunity to talk to families, friends, coworkers, and trans people and help set them up for success. I know this is, again, kind of back to how it helps others, but that’s what it does for me. I’m a person who would generally give you the shirt off my back. I’m generous with my time, generous with my actions and deeds in general. Showing up for people is incredibly important to me because I’ve had the benefit of that in my life again and again. Without certain people in my life showing up for me, I wouldn’t be the person I am today—not only as a trans person but just a decent person in general.
This book is an opportunity for me to pay it forward. Why in a book format? Well, I’ve watched the message I have resonate and land with so many people, face-to-face or over Zoom in conferences, and I’ve seen it make an impact on their lives, helping them grab a bit more agency for themselves. I want people to have more of that opportunity; I want them to claim that for themselves. Part of claiming my agency throughout my life is my turn to pay it forward. That’s honestly what’s in it for me. I mean, selfishly, I hope the book does well so it helps drive my consulting business forward and gives me more opportunities to talk to and meet people. Those are all good things for me. But mostly, it scratches that itch of feeling called to give to other people in any way that I can, and this is one way that happens.
Becky Mollenkamp: Even your selfish answer about why you’re doing it still feels pretty giving, but I love that about you. I do think that piece about how it might help your consulting business is more what I was thinking, but it’s really lovely and valuable that you’ve shared so much about how this process helps others. That’s nice for people who are thinking about writing a book. That brings me to where I think I want to end and move towards: For people listening who maybe, like you, have thought for a long time about writing a book but weren’t sure what that book would be, or thought the book would be one thing but aren’t sure if that’s the right thing, or they’re overwhelmed by the idea of writing and publishing—all the things we’ve talked about. What advice do you have for folks who were where you were a year or two ago, before you got through the process of really starting and putting energy into this and making it happen? What advice can you give them?
Erica Vogel: Maybe the right way to say it is that a calling happens to write. You feel this urge to write. When I started feeling that urge beyond what I needed to do professionally—because, you know, I do a lot of writing in my job—I realized that I needed to do some work to figure out what my written voice sounded like, if you know what I mean. I needed to get the business jargon out of there. I needed to figure out how to write like I speak, or whether I write in a way that’s adjacent to the way I speak but is obviously more organized because sometimes I’m just all over the place.
So, knowing that I wanted to start writing regularly, knowing that I always wanted to write a book but wasn’t sure of the topic or how to go about it, I set about learning how to write again—not from a business perspective, but in a way that would be interesting to humans outside of emails and reports. I didn’t worry about what I wrote. Sometimes, when I’m stuck on a topic, I’ll just sit down and start typing whatever comes to mind. I don’t worry about it or think I’ll come back and use it—I’m just lubricating the gears up there, getting them going. So, getting into the practice of writing regularly, on a schedule, and then being able to go back with a critical eye and ask yourself, “Does this sound like something I would say? Do I feel that I’m organized around this point in a way that’s meaningful to me? Does what I’m saying resonate with me, and would it resonate with others?” You have to have the ability to have a critical lens that’s not about tearing yourself down but about finding yourself in what you’re writing.
For a while, you’re not going to know your style or who you are in writing because we get hung up on the way we talk to people, the way novels or textbooks are written, or the way we were taught to write at every level of school. That may not be your voice. That was something I started several years ago—finding that voice, that cadence, understanding where I needed support. For example, I have a decent sense of grammar, but organizing my thoughts—telling you what I’m going to say, saying it, and then reminding you of what I said—is a form that works for me. Finding myself within that, finding that authentic voice, was really the last piece to fall, other than the topic.
Through the practice of writing regularly, you’ll eventually find your topic and your message. Too often, we decide we want to write a book, but we don’t really know what we want to write about. Or we know what we want to write about, but we don’t know anything about writing. Or we know something about writing, but we don’t know what our writing sounds like. It’s that daily practice, that regular practice—weekly, monthly, whatever cadence—that helps you find who you are as a writer. That has to happen before you can really tackle a book.
When you develop those habits of writing regularly, they’ll serve you well when you sit down to write a book because writing a book is a slog. It takes time, organization, and planning. You have to know where you’re starting, know where you’re going, and you have to show up and write. Some days, all I could do was write for 10 minutes, and that’s enough. If that’s where you are, that’s enough. But you’ve got to figure out how to build those habits to sustain writing a book because it’s going to take months of your time.
If you can’t write at a pace that allows you to do that over the course of six months or a year, you need to work to get on that pace. That’s the advice I would give. You’ve got to work out the nuts and bolts before you work out the topic, that’s where I’m coming from.
Becky Mollenkamp: Thank you so much, Erica, for all of your input and thoughts. I think it’s really helpful to hear one author’s journey. I really appreciate you sharing, and before we wrap up, how would you like people to connect with you? How can they find you to learn more about you and your book that’s coming out soon?
Erica Vogel: Thank you so much for having me on, Becky. I really enjoyed talking to you about my book and the process of writing as a first-time author. The best place for people to find out more about me and the book is my website, EricaVogel.com. That’s E-R-I-C-A-V-O-G-E-L dot com. There, you’ll find more about me, my consulting business, and the book. It’s probably the best place to keep up with what’s happening with the book—we’re still waiting on an official release date, but it seems like it will be out in November of this year. You’ll also find links to my social media, including Threads, Instagram, and LinkedIn. But I should mention that I’m most active on Threads, so if that’s where you are, make sure to follow that link.
Becky Mollenkamp: Thank you again for being a listener and a paid subscriber. I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Erica Vogel. Don’t forget to subscribe to Erica’s Substack called The Trans Auntie, which is linked in the show notes. I’ll be back with another wonderful conversation for you in your private podcast feed tomorrow.