Feminist Founders Subscriber-Only Podcast

Becky Mollenkamp: Hi, Cori. Thank you for joining me to talk about is it ADHD? Am I multi-passionate or am I just avoiding things with all these shiny objects, distracting myself? So before we do that though, please tell people about you and why you're here to talk about this.
Cori Wightlin: Yes, thank you so much, Becky. I am Cori Wightlin. I am an ADHD executive functioning coach, so I support ADHD folks and other people who are experiencing time management challenges, organization challenges, motivational challenges, trouble with prioritization, and self-regulation. I help them build the tools and strategies that actually work for them—not just what everyone else is telling them to do—so they can live a happier, easier existence, whatever that looks like for them.
Becky Mollenkamp: I will link to you in the show notes so people can find your website and probably socials and learn more about you. I'm wondering, am I the first person who's asked this? Probably not.
Cori Wightlin: No, definitely not.
Becky Mollenkamp: Yes, and I'm selfishly asking and figured I'd love for everyone else to hear, as we talk about this because I figure I can't be the only one who has a thought like this, where you wonder: am I just multi-creative, multi-passionate, with lots of ideas—and that's cool—or am I just distracted by shiny objects? And then, we also hear a lot from mindset folks saying, "Oh, those shiny objects are just a way for you to maybe self-sabotage or avoid the real thing you need to be doing." So when someone comes to you with this particular problem, which sounds like it may not be uncommon, where do you start?
Cori Wightlin: We definitely start with figuring out the why, right? When you think about all of these things you're really excited about and multi-passionate about, why are you feeling like it is a challenge? Is it because you don't feel like you can go deep enough on each one and you're just kind of surface-level scratching? Is it because you feel like you're all in on one for a week, then leave it alone, and then you're all in on another, and leave that alone, and you just feel like you can never finish? Or is it because it's keeping you from doing the things every day in your life that you feel like you need to do—like hygiene, caring for yourself, caring for the people that rely on you—so you always feel like you're in what I call hypo-focus? You're just always out here, everywhere, focusing on this, focusing on that. So the first thing we have to figure out is, OK, why is this a challenge for you? Once we figure that out, then we can make a plan for how you can still feel fulfilled, still feel like you're scratching those exciting itches, while also staying grounded in the things that need to get done that might not be the most exciting.
Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah, and I hear inside of that a lot, like, immediately things bubble up—like time management kind of issues, which you mentioned. I know with clients that I have, and with myself, I vacillate on whether it's a time management issue, like if I could just get my shit together and figure out my day perfectly, would that solve it? Or is there something bigger going on than just time management? Like maybe I don't have enough time or I'm not utilizing the time I do have well. For some people, including myself sometimes, it's not always clear. I think it's easy to convince ourselves it's just a time management issue.
Cori Wightlin: Yeah, and that can be true, but sometimes it's not. It's just what our brain convinces us of to avoid the real issue. So how do you know when it's truly a time management issue, or when there's something else, like avoidance or fear?
Becky Mollenkamp: Exactly.
Cori Wightlin: I usually have clients spend a week or two doing what I call an "interruptions blaster." They set an intention for the week—something they want to get done, or how long they want to focus on something—and as they’re trying to fulfill that intention, they keep track of every interruption: what pulled them away, how they reacted, did they follow the interruption, and how did it feel? Once we see that, we can figure out if it's truly a time management issue or if you’re allowing other things to pull you away. If you're constantly letting interruptions dictate your day, it's probably avoidance.
Becky Mollenkamp: That makes sense. So, what do you do when you realize it’s avoidance? How do you help someone figure out the deeper issue?
Cori Wightlin: We move from reacting to responding. So you still might follow the rabbit hole, but you’re doing it mindfully, not just because it’s pulling you into hyper-focus. If it’s something bigger, we start doing mindful reflection on what’s causing the avoidance and why.
Becky Mollenkamp: OK, so now let's talk about multi-passionate folks. I’ve been that person avoiding things, but right now, I’m more about being multi-passionate. I love all the things I'm doing—two podcasts, newsletters, YouTube channels, communities, coaching—so it’s not about distraction. I love all of them! But I can burn out because I have so many things happening. I don’t want to give any of them up, though. My inclination is that the solution isn’t necessarily to cut things out. Maybe it’s about being realistic about timelines and how much I can do? Am I off-base?
Cori Wightlin: You're not off-base at all. It’s about time blindness, which a lot of multi-passionate people experience because we get really into what we’re doing. So the first thing I ask is to spend a week or two recording how long tasks actually take. For example, when you’re recording a podcast, editing, and getting it out into the world, how long does that really take? Is it congruent with how long you think it’s taking? Once you have that awareness, you can build a more realistic timeline.
Becky Mollenkamp: Right, because in my head, I might think something only takes an hour, but it actually takes 10 hours.
Cori Wightlin: Exactly. And then we can decide where in your week those 10 hours fit. Is that work that’s easy for you, so you can do it when you’re sluggish? Or is it intensive, so you need to focus when you’re most alert? Once we know how long tasks take and how much energy they require, we can create a hierarchy. Some people time-block, some have a now-later-never list, and others use sticky notes with different colors for different passions. It’s about finding what works for your brain so you feel like you’re paying attention to all these babies in the way that they need.
Becky Mollenkamp: Because they're all beautiful babies and they all need all of my love and attention, and I can't give them up or ignore them. Yes, I feel that. Really quickly, you mentioned dopamine pairing. I'm not sure I know what that means, and maybe others don't either.
Cori Wightlin: OK, awesome. So dopamine pairing is literally where we take something that gives us a lot of dopamine—something that's easy for us to do, something that hypes us up—and we pair it with something that might be less motivating or might be a little bit more tricky. An example is something I did this morning. We had a ton of dishes from the weekend that we ignored, so I put on a really silly reality show and watched it while doing the dishes. Every time I left to not do the dishes, I made myself stop the show. So I was pairing them. Sometimes what we can do when we're multi-passionate is we can pair two passions together, and it creates this really cool explosion of dopamine, which helps us get through.
Becky Mollenkamp: Nice. OK, good. Thank you for clarifying that for people who aren't sure. The big thing I'm hearing then is if you're a multi-passionate person—whether that's an ADHD symptom or unrelated, but you just love having different projects and don’t want to give them up—the first thing I’m hearing is: don’t listen to the people who don’t understand. Whether they don’t understand because they don’t have neurodivergence or they just don’t operate that way—they’re very linear and able to do one thing at a time—don’t listen to the people telling you that you have to choose one thing, go all in, and focus. They don’t get you. It's like taking advice from someone who isn’t in your industry telling you what to do in your industry. They don't get it, so you don’t have to listen to that advice, right?
Cori Wightlin: Exactly, yeah, exactly. And I think it’s harmful to listen to that advice because it’s like cutting off a limb. It’s like, why would you do that when it’s part of what makes you whole and what makes you you?
Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah, we need to honor it, but we often hear from folks who don’t operate that way that it's wrong or bad, and we start to believe that. So I love the permission to say I don’t have to kill my babies. I can love them all. And then the second piece that I think is important is the idea that you are a unique individual. You show up the way you show up, so there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It’s not like it has to look like time-blocking or batching or using a specific tool to organize yourself. It’s about experimenting and finding what works for you, but that takes you out of this place of feeling flustered and overwhelmed, and instead saying, "I can still have it all, but I have a system now that works for me to manage it."
Cori Wightlin: Yes, 100%, yes. And that’s when folks come to me and ask, "What will we do?" I always say, "I’m not quite sure." What I know is that we’re going to create some systems, tools, and routines, but I don’t know what they look like yet because I haven’t gotten into your brain. And every client I’ve had has created a different system. No one has created the exact same one. That’s really important because if it’s not something that truly fits for you—something you like and want to do—it’s going to be hard to keep pushing up against that wall. Once you figure out how much time and energy these things take, it becomes easier because you're not so overwhelmed by a to-do list or just feeling like everything is ambiguous and floating around. You can really tackle it in a way that feels affirming to you.
Becky Mollenkamp: And the thing that I’ve come to understand is that I don’t have to get rid of any of these projects, but there is a cost, and I need to acknowledge that. Yes, if I chose one thing, I could probably make bigger, faster progress. It makes sense: if you spend 10 hours on one thing, you're going to have 10 hours' worth of production. But if you spend one hour on 10 different things, you’re only going to get one hour's worth of production on each. That’s hard for a lot of us high achievers, and I think multi-passionate folks tend to be high achievers. It’s hard to come to terms with that because we want to think we can do them all and get them all done just as quickly. That’s where we set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration. So I appreciate you saying, "Yes, you can do them all, but there is a trade-off."
Cori Wightlin: Yeah, and it’s essential for multi-passionate, high achiever folks to make sure they’re building in time to regulate and for self-care, right? Like, I know...
Becky Mollenkamp: I’ve never heard of it!
Cori Wightlin: Right, right! And I have some beef with the concept of self-care because it’s become this overused term, and people have a fixed idea of what it looks like. But self-care can literally be noticing you're feeling overwhelmed, stepping outside, and sitting on your lawn for five minutes. That’s self-care. So it’s important to build that awareness into the process. Are there certain activities or projects that create more dysregulation or take more energy? It doesn’t mean you love them less, but we need to make sure that during those times, and after, you’re doing something to help regulate. If we’re just spinning on cortisol, that’s when overwhelm hits. I always say we have a cup, right? And if it's full of cortisol, then there’s no room for the dopamine that helps keep us motivated or the serotonin that helps us feel happy. I know that’s not totally scientific, but it’s a good visualization. It’s important to keep that cortisol cup in check, and that’s going to help, too.
Becky Mollenkamp: On the hormonal piece, I highly recommend Burnout by the Nagoski sisters, Amelia and Emily. It gets into some of what you’re talking about—how those hormones work, how we get stuck in stress cycles that aren't good for us, and how we can better regulate so we're not on extreme highs and lows but have gentle ripples. I'll link to that in the show notes. For me, I don't know if I have ADHD. I haven’t been diagnosed, and I don't see the point because nothing is extreme enough that I think I need medication. I think it’s wonderful for those who do need it, but for me, it's more about the awareness and using that awareness not to shame myself, but to say, "How do I work with how I show up in the world?" I love that it sounds like that’s what you’re doing—whether with people who need medication or those who just need this awareness.
Cori Wightlin: Yes, 100%. Because if we can’t figure that out, it's like an uphill battle through mud. But if we can figure it out, we have better footing. The world may not be made for the way you think, or how you show up, but you can figure out how to live in a way that feels comfortable for you. Instead of trying to kill your babies to fit into the world...
Becky Mollenkamp: Exactly, yeah. And for people who want to learn more about you—because while you can do a lot on your own, it helps to have a partner who can see paths forward that you may not be able to envision. That’s where you come in. So for people who want to connect with you, I’ll put it in the show notes, but anything you want to highlight about your website?
Cori Wightlin: Yeah, I have a weekly newsletter with tips, education, and freebies. I also offer free consultations, so if you're curious about what coaching could look like for you, we can hop on a call and see if we can move in a direction that feels best for you. You can do all of this through my website.
Becky Mollenkamp: And listen, folks, when we say these things, we really mean it. So go take Cori up on it! I know she would love to chat with you. Thank you, Cori, for doing this. I really appreciate it, and I know it’s going to help people.
Cori Wightlin: Thank you. Thank you so much.